旅人

Self importance 2

Perceived reality is not necessarily the truth itself. Be open and see things in different perspectives. There's always unknown dimensions waiting to ge discovered.

Self importance

Give and take gracefully. Don't take self too seriously.

Answering my search for calling

Teaching has been what I'm doing most of the time. I know I like it. And I am just avoiding it and escaping from feeling bad when I am imperfect. I thought I would be perfect and be someone who knows everything. It's the perfectionism that causes me not accepting teaching as my calling. And I can't accept that I can only teach.

Also, beating my anxiety and mood swings when teaching will be one of my biggest thing to solve.

Surrender 2

Perfectionism is just an extension of ego that is trying to hold onto too much and fear of accepting things as they are. It's not really about having higher standards.

Be humble and accept flaws, so that there's room to improve. Trying to be perfect is not bringing me anywhere. Don't waste the energy trying to be perfect.

Surrender

Letting go the need to control, to be understood and to explain.

Setting an intention that's true to myself before doing anything, then put in my best effort and let the rest flow by itself. Accept any outcome as how it is.

Love myself, be compassionate to myself and all others.

Be present, be in flow.

Act, don't overthink.

We get lost sometimes and that's okay.

Yay I survived!

December is one of my favorite months for many reasons. I didn't know that I could have this year being so meaningful and colourful. Having less fear and new ways of perceiving things and people amaze me a lot, giving me totally new experiences and makeover of myself and my life. Now with more gratitude, calmer heart, more passion. And also curious and ready to take any challenge in the future. There's still time i might not be ok, but it's all going to be fine. : ) sounding too positive sometimes intimidate myself, but I guess I really take a great step to improve my overall well-being. Doesn't sound like old me anymore. ^^

Merry christmas and happy new year to myself and all my loved ones.

又一课

每一段人事物都是心里的投射。都只是一种诠释而非真相。放下只需要一瞬间，伤不是别人害的。是自己硬要扛着过不去的不可能的。

我重新出发，让生命自然流动。

我无处可逃

多么不想承认自己就是不够坚强，始终会倒下。这样的自己总是让自己讨厌自己，最后所有人都会远离自己。谁会愿意靠近没有作用的人。我为什么得不断地证明自己的价值。我明明已经累了，明明想放弃，为什么还要假装自己没事。有一天我真的完全没有贡献，是不是全世界都会遗弃我。

就那么一瞬间，本来抓紧的东西，再一次不再对我有价值。本来也没什么是重要的。我不断被人放弃。现在连自己都放弃自己了。为什么总要那么努力去争取才会不被放弃。

一点一点的放弃。

So its really not easy

I need a sleep I need someone to talk to desperately, yet I don't want to. I am so helpless and hopeless, again. When will this cycle stop. Please stop.

What do I need to get better

I can't remember when was the last time I feel such serious anxiety. I hope everything will be fine after the exam. I can't even tell the underlying reason of this unpleasant feelings. Is it merely because of the exam.

It's been years I have problem dealing with my mood swings. But why I can't recall such feelings that I am experiencing now. It is so strange and new to me.

.

How do I interpret my gut feelings to instruction of what actions need to be taken

温暖

轻轻的问候已经够了。

Now I feel better

The diagnosis is not necessarily a cure or solution, but more like a relief for my guilt for not doing well enough.

^^

在路上被电视节目作弄，现场听爵士歌手歌唱，参加静心的课程，被自闭的孩子紧紧地牵着手，为纠纷当调和员，第一次晕倒，再次心动而紧张的感觉。

从最初的犹豫，到后来坚定的立场，一路上纠结了很多黑白灰的事情。到最后其实，原来都没有必要想那么多。只要勇敢，有爱也就什么都无憾。

当日子越来越精彩了，心能够容纳更多不一样的人事物。好多的第一次，紧张，好玩，新鲜。豁出去更多，更勇敢。我希望自己能保持开放的态度继续游戏人生。活那么一次而已，想做什么就做什么。

同理心

自己内心要够强大，才有真正善良和宽容的能力。

流动的爱

没有界线没有规矩没有形式。像河一般流动，不再被捆绑。我遇见了你，看见不一样的世界，原来我们可以更真诚地对自己和别人。心可以很广阔，在你身上找到了自由。

束缚自己的，从来只是自己狭隘的观念和放不开的信念，还有恐惧和自尊。

.

Studying is so de-stressing. No emotion involved, just calmness.

busy days

there's not even enough time to reflect myself, days are gone so speedy and I am losing control. or shouldn't I just let go of controlling, but to enjoy being lost again at the moment.

too much of promises. too much of commitments. too much of outings. to much of goals. guess its time to let go some of them, so that i have quality time for things and people I really value. its fun to meet different people or to blend in a circle. but that's challenging at the same time, to what extent I can stay true to myself and the others, without being misunderstood. or actually there is no need to be understood. maybe this is the right time to solve my problem of self hatred. seeing myself doing things i want to but dont allow myself to. acceptance from other people may not be as important as i think.

i know self love is what i need all the time. to accept my flaw with compassion, and only to seek the pure true self in me. need not fear of being judged or misunderstood. (though I hope no matter how you will understand me ).

this is so random i cant even organize my thoughts. well another phase i am going through. this is a state and its not going to be permanent. : )

Embrace the flaws

Hold the urge to do or say anything to feed the ego. Reflect what's the intention behind every action and word. Be honest and transparent, so that there's no burden anymore.

Reminder

I realize that when it comes to some very memorable moments I tend to not staying present enough to appreciate, but thinking of how to create more of that moments. And in fact non of these can be recreated. I'm reminding myself not to crave for any good moments but to wholly stay in the flow.

Reminder

Recharge

Being an introvert can't be forever an excuse to stay within comfort zone. There are a lot of amazing people out there to meet, to get inspired and to learn from.

Life motto is getting clearer. Though not really firm of how to achieve what I want, but I'm getting there.

Whenever stuck, withdraw self from the situation. See the big picture. Be fearless of getting lost in life. There's nothing more important than to love in life.

吴哥窟

又一趟旅程，带回了新的感受。回到家，又是一股要努力生活的动力。

。

做了决定全凭一刹那的冲动。害怕是一定的，但也许我真的该出点力，有没有成果都好。

Self--no self

Days getting more occupied by projects, students and outings. While I definitely very appreciative of my previous peaceful days where I can really live a quiet life just indulging myself into books and music. But I'm ambitious on the other hand trying to prove myself of my value and worthiness through results and things I do.

a problem finding balance between accomplishment and simplicity. I know I want to achieve not just for myself but also to impress people that I value. Of course at the same time I feel good about what I'm doing now. Only that things are too overwhelming now and I have to admit that I can't take in so much. It's so hard to admit my weakness. I thought I'm always strong.

My sense of self is getting incoherent. Self doubt and self hatred at times, but also narcissistic and proud occasionally.

。

再次考验自己。请记得不断做更好的自己，而非比较。不需要自卑，不需要难过。

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距离，怎样才是刚刚好。

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身不由己。但愿我能够成熟应对。希望没有解释的必要。

..

No matter how hard I try, I will still eventually attach myself to certain beliefs, person, personality to create the ideal sense of identity that I wish to project to other people. Underlying might be the inferiority that I'm not good or worthy enough to be liked. I am always seeking acceptance. Occasionally I tend to be carried away in conversations, and mindlessly react, or say something that I think I shouldn't say just to feed the ego in me. I hate myself particularly for this, because its kind of destroying the sense of perfect and ideal self, and that makes me feel so rejected, by myself.

It seems like the burden of the personality I wish to achieve is affecting me a lot. On the other hand I understand this is actually a reflection of being too self centered. Intellectually I know what's going on in me, but I seriously need a more concrete solution for this.

Chill

I guess I need a break from informations. Never really have time to digest. Complexities are growing and it's overwhelming. The compulsive thinking habit is getting worse.

: )

I am in a very deep peace right now, so contented with life at the moment. But I know I shall forever move on and never settle down, when it's time to leave. Impermanence is a force that keeps me moving, and now I come to not just realize, but experience innately myself that, you change, the surroundings change. And there's always a more suitable relationship between you and the surroundings, at different time. There's nothing to grief, over loss or failure.

But i believe, there's always the one meant to stay, where it changes at the same pace with me, and will be forever a match at different level different time. Be it a dream. Be it a person.

Though mood swings are still happening from time to time, but I'm coping better now. Anyways life is an endless learning journey. I'm still craving for more knowledge, still searching my calling, still fighting the fear and ego, still learning how to love people and nature in the right way, still improving my living standard. Yet, in the process of becoming, I will keep reminding myself that no matter how, the present is the only time that matters, and be grateful for everything as it is.

凡事自有它的节奏。

^^

说不出心里的喜悦，可是我记起了这样的感觉。

果然谁知道明天会怎样。

无端端又无辜地，(怀疑)长智慧牙，牙肉肿得不像话咽口水都艰辛。莫名地身体某部分就这样伴随着陌生的痛，感觉很奇怪。一个人见牙医也是没有过的事，怕得要死，但总得克服对吧。

又，忽然有了个圆梦的机会。一切发生得，好突然。日子能再怎样演变下去呢？: )

伤心咖啡馆之歌

Met this bunch of socially awkward people comforts me a lot. They all communicate in awkward ways, which I find myself needless to fit in, and can be as odd as I wish. That's being myself. No judgement, no explanation, no hurt feelings. : ) just understandings and acceptance no matter how flawed you are.

Self reminder

Its said that what caught your attention out of so many randomness is your own intuition, without much conscious thought of what and why. I remember what leads me here, the very first book that I picked during the painful times. And things slowly change and making sense themselves, from everything that happened to what's still going on now.

Instead of accomplishing so-called meaning of life, why don't just live the life. And along the journey everything will be unfolded easily, without the restraint pain from reality and expectation of fooled mind. Accept and welcome anything that comes, and respond with the best you have. Don't set yourself in a certain dream based on your limited ability. Always try the best for every little moment and that will definitely lead to your greatest potential.

Self reminder

Surrender to uncertainties and unknown, and set myself free. Be humble and always ready to admit that we cant take control of everything and we are not able to predict or assume any condition or situation, given our very narrowed filtered perspectives and knowledge. Be in flow, and respond only when there's options.

Impermanence is seemingly interesting to me now. And I'm taking on the challenge, to make life a game.

.

I think I'm closer to my own spiritual path. It feels more "right" now, or less awkward. But I will need more time, to clarify more, to feel more easy about it. Then it will be the time.

摘自Zen habits

Sometimes you just aren’t motivated, maybe you’re feeling depressed (as opposed to full-blown clinical depression), maybe you just don’t have the energy to focus on work.

We’ve all been there from time to time, and the good news is, we’ve all climbed out of this funk to some degree.

I’ve found there are two main factors to finding yourself in Funk Town:

You have low energy, from a lack of sleep, overwork, an illness, or overdoing the exercise (you know who you are).You get into a negative thinking spiral — one self-doubt leads to another, one bad thought about your life leads to another, until you no longer believe in yourself.

These two factors often work together — usually when I’m jet lagged, or just went through a family crisis, or am severely sleep-deprived, I start down the negative thinking spiral.

Here’s the first thing to know about how you’re thinking during this slump: don’t believe any of your thoughts.

That’s because your mind, when it gets tired and negative, enters a childlike state — not the “let your mind be childlike and playful” kinda childlike, but more like, “Gimme what I want or I’m gonna throw a tantrum” kinda cranky, selfish, petulant child. This is not your best self, but a self that is suffering and just wants to be comfortable. That’s completely understandable.

Here’s the next think to know about this slump: You shouldn’t listen to the urges and thoughts of the childlike tantrum-throwing mind when you’re in Funk Town … but do listen to the needs. Your childlike self wants to rest, doesn’t want to do too much work, is tired and maybe needs some comforting.

Comfort yourself when you’re suffering. Not with food but with love. Give yourself rest when you’re tired. Make fixing your sleep a top priority. Go to bed earlier, turn off all screens, let yourself unwind, meditate while in bed, make sure there’s no TV or other lights on, and get some great sleep.

Weirdly, it also helps to get active. Take care of sleep, and don’t overdo your activity, but if you’ve been working from home or stuck in an office a lot, it’s often better to get your body moving — go for a walk, play a sport, do something active with friends.

A third thing to know: When you’re in Funk Town, don’t believe what your mind thinks about yourself and your work. It will say, “I don’t want to do that!” or “I can’t do that” or “I’m not good enough” or “I don’t care about that anymore.” None of that is believable, simply because the mind that’s saying these things is in a state of panic and fear and extreme discomfort. That’s not a believable mind.

Instead, notice these thoughts, then tell yourself, “I’m just suffering right now. I’ll figure this out when I’m in a calmer state of mind.”

Once you’re in a calmer state of mind, feeling better, then take assessment of your work. You might find you still love it, or if you don’t, you might calmly find another path that’s even better.

A fourth thing to know: It helps a lot to talk to someone else, who has an outsider’s perspective. Talk to a friend, a spouse, a parent, a co-worker, anyone. I can’t stress this enough — don’t be too proud to reach out for help.

A fifth thing: Once you’ve taken care of your rest and your health, you should do some work. Not a ton, but some. Put in some diligent effort, get a little done. Just enough to feel good that you did something.

It also really helps to start clearing your plate a little, if you’re overloaded. Start saying No to work instead of Yes all the time, as a friend of mine did recently when he was in Funk Town, and you’ll feel some relief.

Finally a sixth thing to know: It’s OK to be in Funk Town now and then. We all do it, so you’re not alone at all. It’s human to go through ups and downs, to not always be on a high of amazing psychitude. We sometimes doubt ourselves, sometimes get really tired, sometimes suffer. Don’t worry about being in Funk Town. You’ll get out of it, and because of your experience in Funk Town, you’ll be stronger and wiser and ready to take on the next challenge with renewed gratitude

Fight

Just because I care, so I want to be perfect. But there's no perfection. And when I care too much, everything falls apart. I know it's about ego and fear again. Almost root for every flaws.
Regrets and guilt are just unhelpful burdens. But I can't help judging myself for every words I have said and every decisions I have made. Where is the self compassion I have learnt. I should know that the past me doesn't define the real me.

This endless struggle shall stop. I just want to be the self that I truly adore.

Ok. I know this is just one of the phases I'm going thru. Things will be fine. Its always one step closer to achieving Zen mind after the lower times. I guess each transformation and transition are always hard times but meaningful moments.

。

渐渐觉得越来越多无法和别人沟通的心思，没什么需要被解释的。就算说出来的也表达不了要点。虽然孤独但一点都不寂寞。只求有一天，能够找到不让我突兀地存在的群体。

Phases

其实清楚知道自己过了最平静的阶段。开始不受控的有野心，傲气，自尊，开始静不下来聆听自己。但这样的我充满活力。先学着接受这个阶段吧，虽然不太喜欢自己这样。这都是我一个人注定要经历的。

能够找到永久的宁静，无惧，无我是我最大的目标。但恐怕得更加用功。

继续游泳，练无惧。
继续练琴，练无我。

加油啊自己

放工后偶遇朋友。因为被鼓励的关系，便接下了挑战弹自己想弹的音乐。又刚好受到两场邀约的独奏，虽然不算是严谨的场所但对我而言算是极限了。这一次，我豁出去了。要不然，永远都无法突破。

*这让我更加相信，对的时候，会有对的人，领着我去对的方向。凡事无需过早担心。等待的过程尽力养精蓄锐，时机到了就派上用场。

。

能力和所得，如果无法回馈在帮助别人，便失去了光彩，也无意义。

不断不断提醒自己怕自己不见了

两年前告诉自己30岁以后我的人生才正要开始。因为逼不得已的状况，倒促使进度比预想中的快。其实我们真能掌控的有什么呢。除了一些大小决定(而决定时的情绪也不完全能自己控制)，其余的都得顺其自然。好好的做好现在该做的事，不着急。

但无论如何，世界怎么变，我一定要记住自己的坚持和梦想。

随笔

曾经害怕忘记到需要不断列单不断记录，但现在已经能够容许自己忘掉一些小事而不自责。一方面日子开始忙碌起来，也无法抓住太多东西。而且发现，被忘掉的事情，原来会在适当的时候提醒自己。

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Words are powerful and redundant at the same time. 但在最近的情况，言语都显得苍白无力。

满腔热血！

发光发热的人们，让我感慨生命短暂，所以该用最大的努力燃烧自己，才不枉费此生。

?

Not sure if its an illusion that sometimes I can feel what mama felt before, during times I wasn't even born yet. I'm feeling a stronger bond and connection with mama. Be it real or not, she will be in my heart as a guardian leading me to a brighter direction.

*I'm experiencing some feelings that is too vague to even label. What else can express the direct naked feeling, precisely. Words are redundant in this case.

Feeding my passion and curiosity

Now that time is precious and I can't afford to waste any for distraction and interference from my emotional turbulence (there are some helpful feelings that boost my productivity and creativity though). Please be good till november. I'm loving the tranquillity, at this moment. I know its going to be transient. All emotions are. But let me just hold on to this as long as I can.

回家

回家总是更深一层拉扯自己的经历。依然是面对着父亲无法自拔的怨恨，我又差一点站不稳立场了。幸好毕竟给心理上作了调整，算是熬过了又一次的坑。

回到自己的人窝，心理踏实。跟音乐更靠近了。目前最大的精神寄托就是学习。

后记: 我说不出对老友，你们的情感。深深地感到庆幸，你们一直都在。

考试运快快到来！

拼成绩的野心来了！考试的时候总是有不懂哪里来的信心嘻嘻。我不想只是及格。😀

Nice to meet myself

从眼窗看出去的许多画面，无论多久以前依然历历在目。这个不断长大的我，到底是谁。会和我相伴一生的，就是这个自己吧。除了我，谁能看我看到的，感受我感受到的，经历我经历到的。

和自己相处的时间从来不无聊，也不孤单。^^

在脑子里转

人的生活方式形形色色，我除了好奇还感到惊叹。自己的生活极为轻，简。虽然非常喜欢，但有时候还是会想要探讨生活的另一个角度，用一个全新的自己过日子。

不过时间还没到吧。我把现在过好，该来的，总会来的。但无论如何，忠于自己的内心始终最重要。得不断提醒自己，做的每一件事都不要让自己有后悔的机会。凡事，尽全力。该放的，就要放。

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一路走来我都会时刻解析自己。以前总以为自己非常了解自己，但现在才发现我还可以更不一样。一直以来我都关注着内心的活动，我想我该开始连接外面的世界。但无论如何我一定不能被carried away。

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曾经觉得自己的敏感除了让自己不开心也给人麻烦以外便一无是处。但原来我可以把它当成一种能力，去帮助不被理解的小孩，或者一些迷失的人。自己本来就不是什么有才干和财力的人，但能够在能力范围内做些有意义的事，就够了。

哪怕自己只能够让一个人的生活好一点点，也都要尝试去帮助。

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弹钢琴的时候，又感觉到新的触感和听到新的声音。虽然有点迟开窍，但一步一步慢慢探讨也是不错的。这样人生就不会太闷，什么东西都一早全懂。

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我又失眠了，但绝不是因为情绪什么的。其实让我困扰的，是这样下去我会很快变老的。

Give and take

每一段相遇都是一份礼物。但除了会给与，接受也不是简单的事。

^^

遇见一些温暖热情的人。又是件该珍惜的事。

个体

世间重要与不重要的事很多。对我而言，情绪，爱，善良，音乐，生活，很重要。

我不会在因为自己的多愁善感而感到羞耻。也不再责怪自己不够理性。我本来就是这个样子。只要不伤害谁，我都得把赐予我的特质让它发光发热。

<3

到这个阶段又发现新的自己。忽然觉得，爱情得自由，得流动，人才算活过来。有时候真的不一定关乎关系。

能够不因为什么，静静地喜欢就好。能够紧张，能够在乎，能够感受到心的温热，能够不顾一切，能够把ego丢到后头。

其实不一定什么都得看得太重。人与人之间有爱就好。什么形式不重要。只要把心打开，不怨恨，不躲藏，不害怕。

Move on

: ) 感觉很好。

再见了

不想让自己再因为你而情绪不稳定了。但我很珍惜你曾经对我的好，庆幸是你遇上最糟糕的我依然愿意和我在一起。从你身上学了好多，也因为你我变得坚强而成为今天我相当喜欢的自己。我愿意放下不再苦苦缠着你了，只希望某一天你会能和我好好说话。我不愿失去你。你说过要成为一辈子的朋友的。我已经不是几个月前的我了，你可以放心我已经可以好好面对我们目前的关系了。

请你好好疼爱自己，也成为自己喜欢的自己。

Self compassionate

我其实不必要强迫自己成熟起来。我也能偶尔幼稚，偶尔犯错，偶尔做一些蠢事，偶尔不开心的，偶尔不稳定，偶尔自私。

六月

五月忙着外出，耗了不少精力，也在很人相处中，忘了沉淀自己。六月要好好静心了。我不喜欢五月的自己。

不那么好的某几天

这两天不太顺心。可是都过去了，而我也在最生气的时候控制了想说的话。当然都不是太重要的事，随便气气就算，才能保持年轻。

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睡眠时好时坏。好像又循环回低潮期，开始难受。但是每一次的难受，都比上一次好一点点。: )

Toxic workplace

Giving in one more time, for myself. I'm going to quit if the toxicity continues. The decision is going to be painful. I know the only thing I hardly can let go are the students whom I brought up from their very first lesson.

Let's see how it goes. I have to make sure decision is only made when I'm not angry or emotional. I have to handle it very professionally this time.

。。

总会有些时候急躁又烦闷，说不出什么原因。我其实也没能做什么，只能乖乖地等着这样的难受过去。换作从前你还在的时候，心情不好就是要你帮我分担。我总不能不断依赖。有些时刻要一个人经历和感受，才会成熟。快点快点快点长大。我要撑起自己。

后记：短发如想像中，蓬乱。不过我还挺喜欢的。

时间

我以为过不去的时刻，都一一过去了。反正以后再困难的事，都得控制自己。

一切都会过去的。

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不再想回到过去，之所以会是今天的局面，自然是有从前不够牢固的地方。但我会带着从前值得怀念的美好，延续到未来。我期待我们有更值得期待的未知。

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失去了从前，也掌握不了未来。所以把当下的小瞬间过好。

N次重新开始（跌倒了总要爬起来啊）

把房间的摆设稍微调整一下，腾出更多的空间更整齐更宽敞。心情也随之明亮。明天剪个清爽的短发以后，大概该整理的都整理好了。

回到丑丑的从前

打算不再听别人的意见，把长发剪了。就算不好看，也还是我。我本来就是个丑小鸭。=D

515

收到许多珍贵且用心的祝福。这样的温暖我都收到而且格外珍惜。虽然表达不了心里的感动，但我会尽力去经营每一段难能可贵的关系。

开心之余心里其实还是有个填不了的大坑。我知道这是我必定要经历的事情，才会真的成长。才会懂得经营有质量的感情。不坚定的时候，一定得随时提醒自己，耐心地等待。绝对不能够害怕，绝对不要放弃。虽然收不到你的祝福，难免失落，但我不生气，也不怨你。希望你一切都好。我在这里安静地等你。

以往种种的过错和悔恨，希望今天以后慢慢放过自己。说过的话，做过的事无论如何也追补不回，我只能在接下来的日子，都尽力做最好的自己。

。

睡前大哭了很久，然后在梦里跟妈妈说了很想说的话。她跟我说: 凡事好好面对。

醒来后心也就亮了。是我日有所思也好，妈妈真的托梦给我也好，在我迷失的时候她的一句话就够了。

。

妈咪你过得好吗？

我到这里了

渐渐地喜欢跟自己相处。也慢慢地学会放松。伤心的时候大哭，开心的时候一个人走在路上也想唱歌，平静的时候心很宽，思念的时候尽情回忆。情绪依然起伏不定，但不再强迫自己压抑。这样的日子过得很快，不怎么执着于特定的方向前进，反正把每时每刻尽力过好，我肯定就一直快乐地前进。

回首看一个月前的自己，甚至是一个星期前的自己，都觉得自己的改变很大。未知让我越来越好奇。无论如何我知道，我做最大的努力，为任何一种未来做好准备。不再害怕。

就像教学生一样，有时候需要的，只是耐心地陪伴他们度过还未开窍的时候。我也得耐心地等待自己成熟的一天。

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说说音乐。似乎感受不一样了。没有了程式化的弹法，我终于听到了自己的声音。

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我有一位学生，只有八岁，却有着成熟的音乐性。但我心痛她不被父亲支持。我很想自己为她买一架钢琴。但这样做会不会越过界限了。无论如何我一定要尽力为她争取。成不成就不是问题，反正我知道她看到的世界会因为音乐而有所不一样。

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想知道的好多好多。脑子里问题好多好多。每一天都为自己找到各种解答，都很满足。

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最近把金钱和烹饪都当作浪漫的事了。

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其实把人生当成游戏果真就不再那么执着。倒是激起了我的好胜心，再难我都愿意挑战。就那么一场人生，我是一定要赢的。

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妈妈在心里成了影像。看见她的各种形象，感受她的各种感受。有时候我似乎感觉到我就在经历着妈妈曾经经历过的情绪。我觉得自己就是她。她曾经那么坚强，我一定也会一直很坚强。

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清理 -- 简化 -- 维持。目前生活上最大的目标。

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完美主义偶尔挺实用的，却也常常是阻扰。

思想上没有突破，写的也就没有内容。是时候沉淀自己，多读别人了。

感情的事

放下思想，用心经营

坚持 | 耐心 | 承担

开始承受不住的时候提醒自己咬紧牙关一定要坚持。时机未到而已。我们都还没准备好，不急。而我应该体谅你的近况根本无暇管理工作以外的事。

三月

轻轻地写一些东西只是想看看自己到哪里了。有时候改变真的会潜移默化地发生。对于每一刹那所铸成的更明显的改变，感到惊叹。不能再找藉口去漠视那么小小时刻的影响力。

三月有许多值得期待的事，周遭的事物好像也跟以前不太一样了。对很多事情感到新鲜，对于人的心也更加敞开了。目前处于相当幸福的氛围，对于当下的一切都感到庆幸。包括，分手。这是人生新的阶段，关系停滞不前也好好地反省，然后选择了同一个人，便一定要坚定且乐观地面对无法预测的可能。有生以来，这是我最大的挑战。感谢你的存在，让我有意愿去克服根深蒂固的坏毛病和突破自己的极限。

加油，你们和自己。

多一份淡定和从容是随自信而来的礼物。自信得从不比较开始。做最好的自己，欣赏别人最好的一面。

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能力和机遇也许撑不起一个梦想，但是如果更努力，如果更勇敢，哪怕是小小的愿望被实现了，也算是不枉费这一生。

我们也许不是最有才华的人但我们可以是很用心尽力的人，去尽最大的努力来创建能力所能及的生活。就够了。

希望你也一样为自己努力加油，不放弃生活。

情人节快乐

在挽救这段感情的过程中发现比想象中复杂。这七年是靠着你的退让和妥协才走过来的吧。问题里又是更深的问题，环环相扣。再加上各自的性格缺陷，却又恰恰相互冲击。而爱情这回事又不是件说得清楚能够想得明白的事。我其实真没把握。唯一有的就是坚持的毅力和守护的心意。（虽然一直有股强烈的感觉我们一定会有更好的未来。）

希望你就是命中的那一位能够被我等到。但我不会失去自己。我会随时让自己以最好的状态等候你回来。

do no fear
do not be needy
do not feel in-secured

除去占有和嫉妒，为自己的情绪负责才能给予完整而真诚的心。爱情不是需要。而是发自内心的想要对一个人好。

每一次的接触只会让伤口发炎。是否真得成为陌生人我才能够好起来。

心，宽了一点点。

算是真正安顿下来了我说的是我的情绪。这不代表我不再悲伤不再思念而是情绪翻滚的时候我能够静观其变能够等到平复以前不做破坏性的举动。一般时候我都处于思考的状态，思考的很少是钻牛角尖的事了。大部分时间练习着新的角度去观察接受然后改变。发现自己痛苦的原因多半受困于同样的盲点。然后试着接受一直以来以为是的观念。我

开始看到了希望。关于无常。关于生活。关于孤独。关于死亡。

除了静默以外找不到更适合的沟通方式。

。

已经两天了在教着琴的时候无法自拔地沉入绝望里眼前的人事物都变得好远。当时候一直有股声音告诉我这世上没有值得继续逗留的价值。但我醒了。又一次醒了。惊讶自己还是会不受控还是想放弃生命。开始累了。希望能有把我扶起来的力量。我坚强又怎样。脆弱又怎样。我开始生气了。生气和讨厌这样愚蠢的自己。

保护障

开始形成了一个说不出的世界，但好像不太能和外在连接。但我在里头感到安全，无惧。

。

想找答案说服每一个不快乐的理由。直到不需要答案就能自由的那一天。

珍惜。放下

单纯某件事情某个时刻别再执著去为其赋予任何意义，那些都不一定是事情的本质。发生了，接受，然后创造更美好的未来。思念和追悔是没有营养的情绪，不但止没有帮助，还某种程度上存在着破坏性。

所谓放下不代表放弃，而是交由真正的缘份定夺。我做好本分，遵循我想要的路往前走，凡事尽力了就好。

又失去了走下去的勇气。这一次，那么彻底，那么决绝。放手了，今后我们会怎样？不放手，事情也不会变好吧。

坚持

我得经得起时间的考验。

走到这一步真好

并不因为什么愁绪而失眠，我只是迷恋当下的静谥不舍得睡觉而已。过去半年我在同样一个房间里经历了许多可能一辈子都忘不了的情景和心情。而现在满满地堆叠着许多有关心灵的书籍。日日夜夜地在啃，想逃脱捆绑自己的思维想借别人的清醒去找到属于自己的一份领悟。日子不会一直这样下去，但就算是其实也不糟。就在这个时刻我还是幸福的至少在基本生存条件足够的情况下我能放任自己寻找所谓的自由去唤醒现在这么一个我。现在内心满满的，像晨光般温暖柔和。第一次体会到这一种发自内心对生命的满足感，不从外来因素找来的快乐。不期望，不失落。我不知道自己往着什么方向走去但我不担心。我暂时没有目标那也不要紧。真的，像白开水一样用生命过日子、我真的就够了。如果是跟你一起过，就更完美。

记

发现平静的自己更加爱你。当我愤怒悲伤的时候，我其实为的只是自己。

忘我

在和别人的对谈里看到不喜欢的自己。我还是比较喜欢一个人的自己。

day 7

刚认识另一个自己。我在和我对话中。

day 6

很多时候，自由就在心里。

day 5

是不是每个人的内心都有个别人去不到的小宇宙，里头住着来不及长大的孩子。

摘自面子书

【問題與關係】

多數時候，
你和別人的關係，
就像海浪眷戀沙灘，
是分不開的。

沙灘若乾淨，浪花潔白美麗。
浪花若污濁，沙灘也會遭殃。

問題來時，
通常不會是只是你的，
也不會是只是別人的，
而會是分不開的，彼此的問題。
然後你想，
解決一段煩惱的關係。

關係若不值得，
抽離，會是你不錯的選擇。
關係若是值得，
學習，在問題中認清問題，
那是你該做的。

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幸福其實就是不斷的重覆。

每一天，跟自己喜歡著的人一起打電話，旅行，
重覆著一個個承諾與夢想，
聽著他第十八次提起童年趣事，成長的煩惱，
每一年的同一天跟他一起過生日、情人節、聖誕節。

甚至連吵架也是重覆，為一些瑣事，
之後就是冷戰，瘋狂地思念對方，
最後和好如初。