。

自小只要面对小挫折便不知所措。每一次的挫折都考验自己对自我价值的认可。我很努力在面对自己每一个缺陷，只能提醒自己说，重新再来吧。我真的尽力了。但说真的，我很想看到努力的成果。能让我有个我想要的我吗？每一次的付出都不获得回报的话，我是不是该承认自己差劲。但我为什么又不能承认自己差劲呢？我知道我明明是，但我不愿意面对和接受。试着想想如果你的人生任何一个领域都找不到自我价值，除了怀疑自己出了毛病，我真的不懂出路在哪里。那么我的存在到底为什么。不被需要，没有作用。

頑張ってね

30歳は夢と理想が不必要なものじゃない。自分の追求が誤解されましたても堅持したい。

To: Journey

In the very first year of my thirties, I found yet another one concept that comforts my struggle and anxiety for being who I am and who I am to be. Postmodernism sets in to the midst of rebuilding myself. I mean, a new identity. Because I can’t really build myself, but I can equip myself with all that of what I need to an envisioned ideal self. Do not get me wrong. Ideal is not perfect. I do have some sides that are dark and I want to keep them in me. What is it so fun to be so bright so intelligent so mature. The cynical and arrogant sides of me are slowly manifesting themselves, but I know I can still be compassionate, to things and people I hardly agree on. How is it possible to be agreeable and submissive to all. I may appear conforming because I haven’t found the least harmful way to rise up bringing my voice to be heard. Not that I’m very oppressed now, but I do see a need and feel the urge to change something I want to change. I may not be right. But who is right. Who is out there to claim that I am wrong.
For once, I feel less sorry about myself.