?

I have got my contact lens, but what a shame that I have no idea how to put it on. My eyes are just not big enough. I blink whenever the lens is almost in my eyes. Sigh. What should I do now with the six boxes of them. Tell me.

Something nice out of these hectic days, dad gave me a DSLR. That is what I am longing for these days, to take nice pic, to make my plan works, to make my life less dull. When I have settled down, I will definitely use it to show off my two precious birthday present.

Though I am trying to be tough, emotion still breaks down when night comes. It feels emptier when I recalled those happy days. And all my hamsters are gone. They died, together, including xiao fei fei and xiao tian tian and their children, after one day I sold them to my friend. I am sorry, my beloved xiao fei fei.

Well, you can see I am so not organized now. I do not even write in proper flow. They are so random. Like me, broken pieces falling apart. I am about to collapse.

freedom

i never like to compete and do not ever think of how much money i can make. but i do appreciate tranquility and contented life in books and music and love and anything that is small yet warm. that is me. please spare me some space, to breathe, to develop a truly own me. once i had my own way, and now i am totally lost, even though how deep i know myself. it is not your experience and observation that can decide my future. i always know how to be a good self. i really do.

临别

倒数。最后一个晚上。我不开心，但我不能不开心。

把仓鼠送走了但房子依然乱糟糟，肮脏的衣服堆积如山。老实说，心理上我还没准备好离开。可是我闹了好多次，哭了几个晚上，也没好意思再这样了，不然又会被骂的。

想想在那儿可能我会有很平静的生活，但怕过不惯了，毕竟在这里一直都有人陪着。一切跟计划的都不一样，似乎没有人能明白心里想怨但怨不得的心情。一天一天地接近着离开的日子，心情便是越来越沉重。甚至在任何时候都有可能灵魂出窍，想象我不情不愿的那一天而脾气变坏起来。更讨厌的是，那一天就在生日。今年的生日真让人想把它忘记。

凌晨三点起身，和同学爬山去了。说是要看日出。过程比想象中艰辛很多，因为这山呀很陡。爬到一个阶段了在群山环抱又凉风习习的早晨里，我在石头上睡了一觉。这是我离开前少数值得回忆的事情。

好吧。说不上什么感受来。只知道很难受 ，很想逃避。但我必须让人宽心，只好好好地离开，不哭也不闹。

傀儡

我不知道从得到面试通知的那一刻起便是噩梦的开始，虽然那本来是值得高兴的事。从发型，衣着，合约，时间，住处，面谈，兴趣，学习，工作，生活的定向，等等等再细小的事宜，你们必然不止叮嘱，而是命令我服从。我向来是个有主见的人，请你们不要再以命令式的关心去压迫我。我本来已经知道如何盘算自己的未来，如今只让我迷失了本来清楚的方向而已。有没有想过，你们有一天不在了，我还得继续过着你们精心为我铺下我不喜欢的前路，那时候我可能无法回头，无法开心地做我自己的事。人生只有一次。请不要自私地剥削了决定的权利。真的，你们对我的爱无可厚非，只是未免太自私，太奇特了。请不要每一次在我人生的转折点过渡干涉，我会把自己的生活处理的很好。为什么都不相信我？几乎每一天都受到你们至少七通电话关于“你到那里一定要这样那样那样”。本来离开你们我万般不舍。本来我开始接受你们不同方式的爱。本来我每一天都在等你们的电话。现在，都怕了，对于面试的事情也感到极度极度厌恶。不想到外坡去了，不想要那份工作了，只想一个人偷偷地逃到天上人间。

或者，干脆死掉算了。反正之前期许的事情，没有一样如愿，反而更糟。

掰掰

离别在即，就算万般不舍也得不回头地往前走。请我们都记住自己的承诺，不放弃地守候和等待。终究会有好结果的。不久后的各奔东西，我们多久以后会重逢。希望一切如你我所愿，在不久的将来。 无论身在何处，心底最深处的永远都是你。

愿我们都能好好地为前途打拼，也请你祝愿我面试成功。如果前头真的一片光明，那我能走多远，飞多高。

too happy to study

I hope it is true. I hope it is like what I expected.

If I were to have the chance, my dream has come true.

Wish me luck.