今年算是被好好地眷顾了。
it's another year of filling the gap of contradiction
if methodical and vigorous studies were to be seen as attachment, how much courage do I have to let go of them. while i hope to totally embrace what i believe in, it somehow contradicts with my societal role that needs my constant effort to accomplish more. or am i actually blinded by biases that i am unaware of.
To the sel(ves),
please reconcile with each other one day, so that I (we) am not too far from the bliss of inner peace.
Be as flawed as possible
Was decluttering the whole noon to find myself revisited the memories of healing and identity-building through notes I wrote and the way I organised my stuffs (life). Though it was not an easy journey and I have yet to be completely healed, things and my(selves) are far easier to manage. Nevertheless, mind still wanders, emotions still intensify. The effort to heal has to be ceaseless.
In the coming year, I am going to ask self compassion from myself to full acceptance of my flaws and weakness.
Dear me, please be humble and be brave to make mistakes. It is totally fine to be not good, as long as you have tried your best. Everything will be fine. I will be fine.
圣诞前夕
神游的时候偶然惊觉，我并没有设想过自己自然死亡的可能性。甚至乎看不见自己老去，生病，死掉的过程。这活着的事情和死后的可能，无法被抛在脑后。并非真要有什么解答，亦非要不活在当下不可。只是我真心无法觉得有事么事情更重要。
浮沉无数次以后，我想起来原来我只是想要有随时往来尘世和世外桃源的生活模式。并不到厌世的地步，只是偶尔需要一个能够挥霍生命和时间的蜗居。我无非想要找到那个我真的想去的地方。
接下来的八天，我再痛也要一个人度过八天，忘记八天，在没有时间刻度的追赶下面对自己的混沌。能够沉沦于迷茫混乱的情绪中，何尝不是幸事一桩。
/妈妈生日快乐/你还记得我吗
S.O.S
无数次地发出求助信息后的如今，已经对能后被帮助的肯能性感到绝望而放弃求助。悲伤总伴随着绝望。这参合了的感受很小的时候就有过。为什么一直感到没有希望？为什么不想走下去？为什么绝望之余却那么积极地苛求自己要变得更好？又为什么，我无法被帮助？
なぜいつもそうな悲しい
被悲伤叫醒
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