过失

选择了很不专业的方式逃避问题。我为此难过可今天我真的承受不住那压力。后悔了也惭愧了但除了未来做得更好，我回不去了。

i am confused

so stressed up at certain point when you don't know how or where to move on in teaching.

despite every student comes to me in different shape, i expect the best out of the students' best potential. somehow there is constant disappointment, where things always turn out to be out of expectation/control. maybe i shouldn't have tried to control that might eventually causes breakage (of the student/of the lesson).

sometimes lesson plans just don't work out as PLANNED. sometimes students simply look bored in the lesson. sometimes i feel so unprepared even though I have been preparing the last few days. sometimes when one of the students quit, i feel extremely bad.

all these make me rethink my ultimate purpose in teaching.

i shall forget about the pride of being able to raise a brilliant student. why don't I take more time to nurture the true love of music inside the students' heart. teaching pieces by pieces, exams by exams, students nor the teacher is having fun. its only the achievement that matters. i have to persuade myself not every student is necessarily to take music as profession. my role is to make music be part of their everyday life, and to instil independence in them to prolong their own musical journey as far as possible as well as musicality where they really enjoy and appreciate quality music.

well just in case, students parents and teachers have tried the best and still the lessons are not satisfying, it maybe just the combination of these parties doesn't work. either one of us. and i shall not feel too bad on this. certain people fade in and out in certain stage. that's the rule i guess.