being random

i remember those very depressed days. i am glad that it is sort of over (certainly you cant expect depression can be cured so easily). simply proud of myself that its more possible for me now to control whatever it is. like spending, like anger. of course i still feel urged to break the principles, and i did, but for just a little while and i manage to adjust the focus. like daydreaming. because you don't focus at all. yes i know its not a good thing to daydream given that being an adult you have to be productive. (so that is why i might clean the room again later).

and the devil has been missing for few days already and i don't even know when to expect her return. i thought i cant get through it but the fact is i have successfully be mentally independent for exactly five days. it might not be a big deal for some of you but its been a challenge for me, unaccompanied in this crowded but boring city. i am not too sure whether i will still be fine  if she extends the stay but, i will try.

all these little improvements indeed bringing me much encouragement. at least i don't constantly feel like a failure anymore. at least, there is something i can achieve if i really want to. although some of the compulsive actions might be causing me to evolve into a weirder, nerdier one , but nah, never mind. as long as i feel good bout myself. as long as the friends i mind are fine with me.

(hey, i did the second post. and finally started to settle down already, after nine hours.)