In each man and woman I adored, I placed the burden of teaching myself to be myself on them, in the hope of acquiring that vision or metaphor that I think I need in order to like myself, just slightly better. So I followed, I chased after the impressions I formed around them, rather than the true knowledge of their beings.
In my (hopefully) last episode of hopeless withdrawal from that boundary that I can never go beyond, I figured that I need to be my own mentor, and be responsible to bring myself to long for something I truly want, to be someone I really am. Of course it was by no choice that I had to come to this revelation, as the pain and hopelessness of withdrawal increased each time I had to part with someone (or an ideal, or just an idea). Attaching my meaning in life on them is dangerous. My obsessions explain it all, for my world collapsed every time I think I have lost them. In fact, it's all along myself beside me. That's all it takes to go on in life, or even to build it, however I like. So from now on, it has to be me teaching myself every moments, alongside exchanges with some inspiring others.
so that one day, I could love everyone, including myself, fearlessly and sincerely.
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to do this, I will try to express more to crystallise what I have to teach myself.
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