Playing piano for instance, so mechanical yet so emotional. I know myself that I'm quite proficient in playing the piano to certain extent, but my performances fluctuate contextually. My performance just couldn't be at its optimal level, sometimes worse, when it's marginally low. Whenever communication is involved, there's problem in me. Yet I always thought I'm not to bad in effective communication. I observe, I manage to spot very subtle signs of emotions in others, I seldom fail to realize what annoys people. Somehow I'm still not communicating. It's a constant battle between me and myself. Most probably I can't fully accept myself therefore where's that expectaion to be liked stand?
I remember few months back I was once so inspired by the concept of surrender. I Guess my ego is back, humbleness is forgotten. I thought, everything is controllable. I thought I can do most of the things but maybe not in real. There I see arrogance in myself.
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